Last spring, as I was waiting for my daughter’s lacrosse game to start, I passed a junior high school boys’ team. The players were on one knee in front of their coach and huddled for the halftime pep talk. That is, minus the pep. Coaches yelled at the boys to “start getting a body on someone” and were, in theory, pushing the players down to show them how they wanted their game up in the second half.
Angering, yelling, and pushing children is not good coaching.
It always amazes me how adults can go insane with children’s sports. If you’ve ever been to any kind of youth sports competition (because it looks like the league starts as soon as you’re potty trained, it probably does), then otherwise rational human beings are kids, coaches, You’ve probably seen him yell at the referee, or another parent…during the heat of the game. I don’t understand how a 10-year-old can lose his cool over the outcome of a baseball game. Aren’t they all the same kids out there? Is the Division I coach hiding behind a tree with a pile of full-ride offers for the winning team?
You may have seen warning signs for parents on Kidsports fields. They all say something to the effect of “remember that the players are children and the adults are volunteers. We expect them to be examples of sportsmanship.” The fact that these signs are as inconspicuous a part of the youth sports complex as natural as the scoreboards and bleachers is jarring evidence of our collective behavior.
Trust me, I understand the competitive urge to create this kind of terrible sportsmanship in adults. I still beat my kids mercilessly on the basketball court at HORSE games, and I don’t feel bad about it in the slightest (mainly because it doesn’t last forever and someday my kids because I know they’re going to hit me). Even if you step onto a volleyball court, you do everything in your power to make the ball fall on your opponent’s side. But when I’m sitting at my daughter’s volleyball game, I know it’s my role to shout things like “Nice try!” and “You’ve got this!” No matter how many serves go straight into the net and how many times the line judge misses the call.
I think this transition is where we parents sometimes get lost. When our children are playing, we forget that we are no longer competing. It also forgets that no matter who the anger is directed at, it doesn’t help the kids play better. I’m willing to bet you’ll be terrified and embarrassed to see it.
Our role as parents is what we do to our children, even if that means pushing our personal competitive impulses into a box and closing the lid while the game clock runs. Of course we want our children to experience the joy of winning, but we can’t win everything every time. Isn’t it more important to learn how to handle victories, defeats and obstacles? No matter who our children grow up to be, life wins and loses. Sports can be a great opportunity for them to develop patience and build character, but if you show them the example of yelling at someone else every time something goes wrong, it’s less likely to happen.
Parents, let’s assume this new school year is like New Year’s Day, and let’s make a fresh resolution for sports-goers: When you go to a basketball game, it’s like you went to a very shady bookmaker. 12-1 year old’s layup ability with pretend play. I model the sportsmanship I want my children to see. If there are no positive remarks, I sit here quietly with my jaw closed. At the end of the game, I am reminded that what my children really want from me is support and encouragement. And if you can’t stand the way matches are refereeed, sign up to be a referee.
For Katie Cantrell’s thoughts on parenting and life, visit www.katiecantrellwrites.com or social media @katiecantrellwrites.
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